06 June 2010

“Auseinandersetzung” my Performance from April



“Auseinandersetzung” Performance action description
The artist enters the performance space. She wears a costume of three levels of plastic tubing, connected with thin clear plastic string. Over the tubing and string, layers of gauze bandages have been sewn loosely. This costume is worn over a thin cotton sleeveless dress or slip. Around the artist’s mouth and lower part of the face, gauze is wrapped. Her arms can barely be seen inside the tube structure, which is knee-length.
The artist turns on music of Fairuz and, before the beamed projection of a Powerpoint presentation of her work and diaries, she begins to move in a very reluctant, but bouncy, manner. At the other end of the performance area sit four large sculptures depicting body parts- some easily deciphered (like a large yellow hand), another more ambiguous (a green nose shape or a truncated penis shape?) all brightly colored in an arrangement on the floor. The artist picks different body parts off the floor, dances with them or inspects them.
While this action is taking place, blood red color gradually appears on the gauze wrapped around the artist’s mouth and color comes out from inside the tube gauze structure around her body. Drops of it fall on the floor and on the sculptures as she begins to dance faster and with less reluctance, even twirling around.
When Fairuz’s song is over (ca. 3 minutes), the artist takes a microphone and sits in the first row with the audience, clears her throat, and starts the sequence of images from the Powerpoint presentation. The space is quiet as she clears her throat and readjusts herself. Images from artworks of the artist are projected on the white wall where she had previously been performing. People, selb-portraits, and images with only text alternate; like an introduction to her work and her experiences. The text is translated from the English into German, describing several experiences she had during her two years living in Shanghai. She reads aloud from the text slides in calm and controlled, yet anxious, voice.
As the last images are projected, the artist stands and walks to the CD player and begins playing Bai Kwong’s haunting remixed ballad __. The last slide is all red and the artist remains standing in front of the red surface, music playing, and her white gauze and cotton ensemble smeared and spotted with purple-ish red drops. She exits.

aus•ei•n•ạn•der•set•zen
I. (mit OBJ)
1. jmd. setzt jmdn. auseinander getrennt von einander setzen Die Lehrerin setzte die Schüler auseinander.
2. jmd. setzt jmdm. etwas Akk. auseinander darlegen, erklären jemandem seine Probleme auseinandersetzen
II. (mit SICH)
1. jmd. setzt sich auseinander sich auf verschiedene Plätze setzen Sie standen auf und setzten sich auseinander.
2. jmd. setzt sich mit etwas Dat. auseinander über etwas (intensiv) nachdenken, sich mit etwas beschäftigen Er hat sich mit dem gesamten Problem auseinandergesetzt.
3. jmd. setzt sich mit jmdm. auseinander sich mit jemandem streiten, diskutieren Wegen dieser Sachen setzt er sich regelmäßig mit seinem Nachbarn auseinander.

to throw one’s decorated body into the gears of a war machine

“…citizenship can entail more than production, consumption, or even voting—indeed this performance demonstrates that it can be fulfilling, empowering and even enjoyable to throw one’s decorated body into the gears of a war machine, to interrupt the hegemonologue of a corporation or regime...”
(Shepard, Bogad & Duncombe “Performing vs. the Insurmountable” 2008 paraphrasing Bogad, “Place,” 2005; “Upstaging,” 2007)

The inappropriate (mothers and fathers)

The inappropriate (mothers and fathers) What is their concentration?

I see parents in the park with their children. The fathers and mothers (or shall I just write men and women?); fathers in one area, mothers in another. Collective segregating..momentary but subconscious or not?
How much do they interact, if they do indeed interact? How is this seen from their perspectives?
What IS the idea of mother and father, when one actually becomes one? How does this get acted out for each individual trying to do the best…their best for them? The children?
What interests me more is the idea of attraction between/among mothers/fathers of different children. Is the erotic still there for many? How is erotic love seen and acted out? How does the child come or not come between adults and pleasure? How is desire for egoistic exhibition or lust hindered, encouraged, aggravated or deadened?
These boundaries are not so strong in my mind. Surely, they cannot be. Love for a child or love for a woman or man or erotic love for the friend or lust for the stranger… are there not elements of all of these feelings within each other? Can they possibly function together? (All the questions are for me or rhetorical.)

This quote is one that I can remember thinking already while walking down a street anywhere.

“...if we can ‘look the negative in the face and live with it,‘ then we can achieve a truly magical power“ and “convert the negative into being…“
(Marshall Berman using Hegel in New York Calling: From Blackout to Bloomberg)
What this says to me is that it refers exactly to what happens when one searches for ways to overcome depression, mania, intense feelings that drive one into a silent, internal frenzy. After years of flirting around with the concept of somehow “becoming” a productive citizen that fits a profile, I give up and become myself by looking directly at my obsessions and hang-ups and now desiring to lay them out completely.
I have scenarios ready to enact, artwork ready to be presented spontaneously, and questions I am dying to ask people around me. But, this is no change in me. I have always had these sensations. I have just now built up enough examples of things going my way when I am honest and direct with people around me…especially when I share with people—my opinions, my life experiences, my worries…
INSIDE What this means for me, what can I “look in the face and live with”? I can look at my past really clearly, as clearly as any person can self-reflect with time. I can see how fragile I was, so shy, so self-protective, and non-communicative with people. I did not know how to love people, and I think sometimes I still do not. Only now can I sit back and let things happen between me and those I love, instead of orchestrating or bulldozing over what they might say. I do not want to cower behind the idea of being mysterious (read: unknown) to others.
So, the entrenched second language has done me in, taught me a lesson. Now I am desperate to be understood in German. Not just to be understood, I also long for my personality to come through. I face the negativity of being an outsider in a country I expected to fit in relatively easily. I have had to see directly what I did not communicate well, and watch as others do it better. But, by facing this challenge and learning, not being discouraged, I realize after all that no one has been saying what I have wanted to say. No one can say what I want to say.
OUTSIDE Around me, what can I look directly in the face and live with? “Live with” is, for me, to accept that certain things exist and occur, but I do not accept them in and of themselves. I do not want to be separated from what is around me. I cannot live in a walled community and I cannot have only friends who fit my background and up-bringing. This is a perfectly liberal thing to say, but I do not want to exercise the right of choosing and preventing anyone from anything (in practice this is perhaps not easily done, but I hold onto the idea, the spirit).
But, there is a radical point, I believe, to which this idea should be taken. It should be taken with a gender studies-like flexibility. Flexible judgments without conclusions that limit interaction and catharsis.
This quote is one that I can remember thinking already while walking down a street anywhere. From the days of feeling extreme agoraphobia, until now when occasionally I will be hit with the notion that anything can happen to me now, in “public”. On the street, in the dark, on a train. Anyone sees me; I also see anyone who I chose to stare at. (I must insist on seeing more often.) Anyone can hit me, can touch me, can yell at me. Alternatively, anyone can hand me a flyer, kiss me, smile at me.
Every action has its ulterior motive…and this is one negative that one must accept.
I accept that anything can happen. I accept that terrible things go on in the dark. What I mean by “accept” is that I can acknowledge their existence without simultaneously trying to banish them from my thoughts.
Strength, this “power” IS to know what is going on; to know as much as possible about what is “going on”.

Goodbye to old headings

30 Nyit 9423
The Cultural Myths Created from Gradual, Steady, and Built-up Social Suffering

And I wonder...between proclamations and uncertainty or insecurity.
What do I have? Do I speak in the passive form of the language? (Quiet screams, quiet screams...)
Allow me to demonstrate my job, my production... Compare...Simply judge.
I never received any instruction manuals; I just stopped producing.
The body can be read--when it's stretched out...
The halt of production begins the suffering.