January 5

Alone now - Anne is gone --what it means to me.
As everyone leaves, what does it mean to me? Jena, Omar
Feeling empty, no panic, no violent sadness.
Problems outside of me swirl around us all, and some of us have convinced ourselves of responsibility (a selective responsibility)
Perhaps the decadence of "industrialized" "first-world" societies (more specifically (primarily) white, inheritors of the "enlightenment") causes no inner peace for postmodern "man" because of the build-up of past atrocity, the realization of it (North American, Western European, but the power struggles have obviously been everywhere among all peoples, but I can only speak with some confidence about the American/W.Eur. one).
Some of us/them (those Americans, for example, who believe the doctrine of Manifest Destiny of the USA to better the world through our example) see how we (US with its Marshall Plan, Europe with its colonial legacies) have bettered the world and those we have dominated.
The rest of them/us may see how we have demolished customs (controversial customs or not), squandered diversity of thought and approach. "Diversity" of meaning for others, the ways and methods of indigenous peoples, alternatives to this existence of capitalist consumer-based cultures.
We have placed these alternatives within the framework, the grand narrative of "industrialization" and the "progress" of humanity, and judged them as "outside" at best and "deviant" (militant and threatening) at worst. Alternatives WERE foreign (to usUS/them) and demonized on "difference" grounds.

My "reality," as I evaluate it now, is checked by the assumption I have about constant change, usurption of previous goals and "values" by others. A frivolity in morals, in goals.
But, I know I must have some constant and enduring goals and causes and beliefs. Not just for a right or "just" cause, but also for my sanity.
So, do I think I must believe in something? Is there not a power in not comforting oneself with a "belief system"? Does this allow for a more open mind?

At Quetzal

The struggles of different people.
I watch the traffic - the struggle of conveyence, of mobility.
The cars go by on Union Avenue.
Stopping and starting.
Through driving, people communicate their emotions and needs.
Use of technology to augment human communication and interaction...
Find expression through every object...